Angels
by LuciousLadyLucius
Summary: Angsty GacktHyde, KamiGackt, Gackt keeps the past from Hyde, but eventually it all comes out. Songfic, oneshot


_**Sparkling angel I believe  
You were my saviour in my time of need.  
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear  
All the whispers, the warnings so clear.  
I see the angels,  
I'll lead them to your door.  
There's no escape now,  
No mercy no more.  
No remorse cause I still remember  
**_

"I love you…so much" the deep voice said breaking the silence in the dewy aftermath of lovemaking.

Hyde smiled softly; he moved his hand gently over his lover's - fingers running over the smooth silver rings.

"Have you had many lovers?" Hyde asked looking into the blue eyes, hidden partially by the fringe of light brown hair.

"What do you consider a lover?" was the ever mysterious reply, "One who I have enjoyed physically or who had my heart?

"Hmm" Hyde thought "Have you been in love before?" he asked rephrasing his question.

"…No." Gackt replied "Only you" was the strangely simple reply. But simple it needed to be, for it was clear if someone had been in love before or not. It was not one of those things that took a lot of thinking.

"I'm sorry I can't say the same for myself" Hyde said feeling embarrassed that he was unable to answer with the same thing

Gackt smiled

"To me it makes no difference…it's in the past"

"I love you too" Hyde said and buried in head in the crook of Gackt's neck. He felt the muscular arms wrap around him and hold him close.

"Did this hurt?" Gackt asked stroking the tattoo across Hyde's slim back

"Mm…like hell, I couldn't lie on my back for a week" Hyde laughed

"I was always to scared to get one" Gackt laughed, taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent of his lover. It was like no other, it could not be compared to any other, It was impossible to compare it to any other scent, for it was his own distinct fragrance.

_**  
The smile when you tore me apart.  
You took my heart,  
Deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams,  
I wished they'd turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize.  
It was all just a lie.  
**_

_There was a moment of emptiness; there was a silence on both sides of the phone. The air was still, no feeling in the air; like the calm after a storm._

_"….w-what?"_

_"He's dead" the voice replied, quiet, hissy and whispery - his voice was no different than it usually was; ice cold and deadly poisonous. _

_Gackt did not reply, he felt as if his heart had stopped beating, and then suddenly caught up, beating faster than usual, he let out a strangled breath and inhaled again._

_"We found him a week ago. It was a subarachnoid haemorrhage. He died in his sleep"_

_"…a-alone" Gackt stuttered_

_"Yes."_

_"Why…why didn't you tell me sooner?" Gackt said, feeling his body burn up with nausea _

_"Forgot" Mana replied simply "Anyway…now you know. The funeral wasn't much to miss"_

_"…the funeral? You-…you didn't tell me?" he replied disbelievingly. "Mana…I…H-how could you?"_

_"It was a death. You weren't the only one affected. Not everyone can think of you at a time like this" _

_"But-"_

_"Goodbye" the phone clicked and the voice disappeared._

_Gackt felt the receiver slip out of his fingers and crash to the floor. His legs began to shake. He felt sick. Feeling as if the whole world was spinning around him, he dragged himself to the bathroom, leant over the toilet and vomited violently into the bowl; he gripped the sides, sweat dripping down his forehead. He felt both hot, both cold, sweat running down his back but making him shiver like he was trapped in ice. He gasped once. Twice. Tears bit the backs of his eyes; he made a strangled sob before standing up and walking to the mirror. His reflection. He looked ugly, like he was half a face, half a person, disfigured, he let out a scream. As if this would shatter the glass, what he saw and what he felt, as if screaming loud enough would bring him back to comfort him. Just a hand on his shoulder could silence this fit of rage. But there was nothing. No gentle touch, the touch he loved, he craved for, even the memory was dead. He yelled and screamed, grabbing at every bottle of toiletries on the shelf, throwing them smashing them. It hurt, every muscle he moved was like he was fighting again an iron cage. He let himself fall to the floor; the cool floor - the hard tiles - against his cheek._

_**  
Sparkling angel, I couldn't see  
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me.  
Fallen angel, tell me why?  
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?  
I see the angels,  
I'll lead them to your door  
There's no escape now  
No mercy no more  
No remorse cause I still remember**_

Hyde blinked back tears. He knew it was too good to be true. Happiness did not come so easily, to others maybe, but not to him. There had been problems enough as it was; the constant competition, the selfishness, the lack of self confidence (that was on both sides), the clash of their personalities. Yet still they had clung on to the fact that they loved each other - and never had they loved anyone else as much - or never at all.

But his voice; it changed. It was not the voice he was used to, when he spoke of the past, it became tender, childlike even, lighter, softer, emotional. The past hurt still. There was no question of that. Although his face was devoid of emotion, it was as if he did not see the hurt on his own face. There was no registration that Hyde had felt any pain from discovering the truth.

There was even a smile on his lips. A sad smile, but perhaps he was recounting fond memories. Hyde wanted to hit him. He wanted to shake him out of it. He wanted Gackt to understand his pain, to register what he had just said. To even take it back.

All he could do, was nod silently and then turn and leave the room.

That night his sleep was plagued with horrible images, of being abandoned, left no one listening to his cries, Gackt in someone else's arms, deaf to Hyde's calls for help - deaf…or disinterested.

_**  
The smile when you tore me apart  
You took my heart,  
Deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams,  
I wished they'd turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize.  
It was all just a lie.  
Could have been forever.  
Now we have reached the end.  
**_

_"Did this hurt?" Gackt asked touching the tiny tattoo of the butterfly, it was strange, of all the many butterfly ornaments and pictures Kami owned, the one that was imprinted on his body was so simple in comparison. Black and minute - but perfectly in proportion, perfectly symmetrical "I'm too afraid to get one"_

_"Hmm" Kami said opening his eyes "It hurt but I think it was worth it" _

_"Anything for butterflies, am I right?" Gackt laughed, he always poked fun of Kami's strange eccentric obsession._

_"Not anything" came the reply; the taller man turned over letting his arm slip further over his lover's waist and back. A long strand of silky red hair slipped over his eyes, Gackt pushed it out the way "I'm thinking of getting it cut" Kami laughed at Gackt's shocked expression_

_"Don't"_

_"It gets in the way of my drumming"_

_"It's nice"_

_"It's impractical Gaku-chan" _

_"So are our costumes" Gackt said "But would either of us ever suggest scrapping them to Mana-sama? I think not"_

_"Well that's because neither of us have a death wish" Kami laughed rolling his eyes. He tutted "Geez, if its not one control freak I'm answering to, it's another" although he said it with a smile. _

_Gackt pouted_

_"Don't put me in the same category as Mana-sama"_

_"Haha, give it time Gaku, give it time" he said pulling the smaller man into a tight embrace before he could retort. _

_Gackt closed his eyes, it was nice to be away from Mana's ever watchful glare. To have these undisturbed moments with Kami. Kami who loved him for who he was, who had no judgment over his so called eccentricities, who could even spend hours and hours in the dark, without complaint. Who would happily listen to the incessant babbling about vampires, ghosts and skeletal ghouls. In return Kami could speak all he liked about butterflies, explaining in such vivid detail the various patterns and how their symmetry was true art, naming the many types and how they differed between each other. _

_**  
This world may have failed you,  
It doesn't give the reason why.  
You could have chosen a different path in life.**_

The smile when you tore me apart.  
You took my heart,  
Deceived me right from the start.  
You showed me dreams,  
I wished they'd turn into real.  
You broke a promise and made me realize.  
It was all just a lie.  
Could have been forever.  
Now we have reached the end.

Gackt looked down at the gravestone, cold and bare - just his name and the carving of the butterfly. Gackt sank to his knees and ran his hand over the engraving

"Which one is this one Kami?" Gackt asked. He asked the same question every time he visited the grave - no answer would come of course, but Gackt could still imagine it "I'm sure you haven't told me about it. Why don't you tell me about it? I think you left it out."

He silently lit a candle and placed it next to the flowers he had bought, into which were several ornamental butterflies. "I thought you might like these. Purple ones are your favourite…sorry I forgot the technical names." He blushed; he could almost see Kami rolling his eyes.

_"How many times have I mentioned the name of this breed? I've lost count Gackt-chan, why do I even bother mentioning it in the first place"_

"Sorry, I'll remember next time" Gackt said standing up smiling slightly, he bowed to the stone "I'll remember next year Kami…I promise…next year" He stayed the rest of the time in silence, now was the time for messages to be passed by thought only.

Hyde stood by the car; he inhaled on his cigarette, warmth in the unusually cold air. He felt someone watching him, he turned. Hyde looking into his lover's eyes, Gackt stared straight back, an understanding between the two - an understanding that could never be matched between any other pair.

"Are you alright?" Hyde asked, waiting for the tears, the awkwardness when he would have to comfort the man who would cry over his ex lover.

"Of course" there was nothing empty about the statement. Hyde could not help but smile, it was true, it was real. He held out a gloved hand. Gackt walked slowly forwards and took it in his own, the stood close together, as close as they could be, hands locked in each others. "Because you're here…thank you for coming with me"

"It's not something you should do alone" Hyde said. Gackt moved his hand and ran it instead across Hyde's cold cheek.

"I'm never alone. Because you're always with me, inside here" he said tapping his heart.

"Yeah" Hyde shook his head and smirked "I get the picture"

"Whats wrong?"

"Nothing Gakkun, nothi-" he was cut short by a pair of lips on his own. Warm in the cold air, it was in that kiss that Hyde's fears were put to rest. For now at least….


End file.
